I finally started digging through my macbook for important files to move to the macbook pro. Took me long enough. In celebration of nostalgia, that strange state of mind - I opened up the folder that holds all the iChat history. I found myself reading through the last several conversations Adam and I had before he died. Little snippets were comforting to his memory. At the same time it makes me sad that I really didn't realize the end slowly creeping up on him. It's so apparent now that I read back, but I guess in the moment I didn't want to see it.
sandmn194: oh lia, why can't there be more women like you?!
liasaurus: me? because then the world would be filled with devilishly attractive crazy women
sandmn194: so how's the life of lia?
liasaurus: life of lia is going very well, it has it's ups and downs, but karma has been good to me
liasaurus: how about yourself? the life of adam is going well, i hope?
sandmn194: not bad
sandmn194: at the moment i'm kind of sick
sandmn194: trying to get over that
liasaurus: ... not fun =(
sandmn194: not at all
liasaurus: cold again?
sandmn194: i had one
sandmn194: now i'm just crazy-congested
liasaurus: i hate that you're suffering...
sandmn194: this album i'm sending you is amazing
sandmn194: we just connect really well ;-)
sandmn194: hey, do you know who owned mexico and texas in 1767?
liasaurus: that dude from zorro?
liasaurus: haha.. no, sorry
sandmn194: lol, wonderful Lia
sandmn194: hey beautiful
liasaurus: hey handsome
liasaurus: how are you feeling?
sandmn194: supposed to finally get out of this place tomorrow
liasaurus: oh thank god
liasaurus: i'm so glad to hear
sandmn194: well, there were unfortunately bad results to my brochoscopy
sandmn194: i have an infection called pseudomonas which is resistant to all antibiotics
liasaurus: ...what kind of bad?
sandmn194: respiratory infection
liasaurus: ....how can they fix that?
sandmn194: they can'
liasaurus: ...it's there for life?
sandmn194: so a lung transplant is becoming a reality
liasaurus: can you live with that? like is it going to be a daily hinderance?
sandmn194: sooner than i thought it would
liasaurus: oh babe i'm so sorry to hear that...
sandmn194: it's a big bummer
sandmn194: apparently the doctors think i have an average of 5-7 years left
sandmn194: and that's with the transplant
liasaurus: your not serious?
sandmn194: i am
liasaurus: prove them wrong please
sandmn194: that's my plan
sandmn194: apparently, i have stumped my infectious disease doctor
sandmn194: because with what i have, i'm supposed to have been getting progressively sicker each day
sandmn194: and i haven't
liasaurus: that's a good thing
sandmn194: they may not be able to treat it, but they can't understand why i'm not getting worse
sandmn194: so i'm going to look into all i can to keep me healthy
sandmn194: but at the same time, look into the transplant stuff and find the best scenario possibly for me
And the last recorded conversation in the history...
liasaurus: handsome, how are you doing?
sandmn194: had a pretty bad day today
sandmn194: still adjusting to the world agin
liasaurus: it'll take time again
liasaurus: you have a lot on your plate
sandmn194: it is hard coming to the realization that just a year or two ago, i was able to move around and go places with no trouble
sandmn194: now i have trouble breathing without oxygen
sandmn194: hopefully i will be able to get myself breathing well enough again
sandmn194: it will just take time and energy
sandmn194: i want to start going to the gym when i get the strength
sandmn194: build myself up
liasaurus: physical exertion is the best thing anyone can do for themselves. and it doesn't have to be an all out overexertion. a little bit goes a long way, and I mean that more mentally than physically
This all made me think. One day when I am in a very financially comfortable situation - I'd like to see what I can do in the area of funding research of CF. It really is such a tragic, tragic curse.
The day is beautiful though, freshly back from a nice long walk. Sun is shining, bird singing. People hanging out in chairs next to their stoops... Spring is upon us!